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Hating my photos.... judging my body…. to loving it all.

I’ve always been camera shy since I was a kid. One of my dad’s favourite hobbies was photography and he loved to take pictures of us kids…..but I hated it.

I don’t know why, but I hated it so much that I would cry every time he pulled the camera out. And so, there aren’t many pictures of me when I was younger.

Well, this relationship with the camera has followed me into adulthood… but, taking my business online provided the opportunity for me to face my fears and finally put the camera in its place.

What better way to do that than to book a photo shoot, right?

So I called the best of the best (that’s Isabelle at in case you’re curious) and we got it on the calendar.

I was so nervous on the actual day that I felt like throwing up. I was so hesitant and questioned why I was doing it ….and I really thought about bailing on the whole thing.

But I couldn’t cancel because I would still have to pay and I needed pictures for my website. So I went.

And guess what? The photo shoot went great!!

My photographer was amazing. She made me laugh and feel so comfortable. It was a really fun experience. Plus, I felt so powerful because I did something I really feared.

Then, I saw my photos and I was so disappointed.

Not in her, but in myself: I didn’t like the way my body looked, and I cried.

I felt frustrated and sad for a couple days. I felt like a fraud. Here I am trying to motivate women and men to workout and feel amazing about their body and I felt like shit.

After sitting in this space for a day I finally told myself there has to be something positive here.

There must be an opportunity to learn and grow from this experience. And then I remembered one of my goals for this year was to eat healthier, learn new recipes and really be mindful and intentional about everything I put into my body.

I then wondered if this was just the universe pushing me to eat better? So I took the opportunity to cut out all my junk food (chips at night have always been my vice), and started taking time to make healthier meals. I started to feel better right away.

My photographer called me a couple days later and asked why I didn’t pick my pictures. She knew something was wrong.

I told her how I felt and she was shocked. She said “Jamie, did you actually look at the pictures?” I said I looked at them a few days prior and she suggested we look at them together.

She pointed out that there were so many beautiful pictures. So we went through the pictures together and the funny thing is, when I looked at them again I actually loved them. I must have been having an off day when I looked at them the first time.

Can you imagine….I ended up picking more pictures then I was originally supposed to take? I really did love them.

Here’s the thing-

I’m still not completely in love with getting my picture taken, but I’m open to shifting that one photoshoot at a time. If we want to grow, we gotta keep doing things that scare us just a little.

But the bonus from this experience is that I’ve still been eating healthy since that day!!

I’m so grateful for the whole experience because I've been wanting to make changes in my diet for a long time now and this forced me to finally take action.

I’ve already booked my next shoot- a little accountability to keep me eating well. 😉

I think there is always an opportunity, in every situation, to change the way we look at things.

It’s ok to feel sad, angry or frustrated for a moment but after you release those emotions, please try to see what good is trying to emerge through in the moment. I promise there is always something good. You just have to be open to seeing it.

Finally ~ I think every human should book themselves a photoshoot because there really is something powerful in seeing, accepting and loving yourself, right where you are today. ❤️ 📸

In Your Corner ~ jB.

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